epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
