my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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