Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
