I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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