I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
