when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
