I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
