You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
