dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
