Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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