Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
