You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
