you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
