im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
