Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
