You just made me feel so damn special
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
