I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
