Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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