she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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