Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
