On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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