need another drink. this is the easiest way
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
