never play flip cup with pint glasses
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
