I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
