she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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