She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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