Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
