ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
