my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
