Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
