I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
