Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
