I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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