Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
