you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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