I think im going to throw up on grandma
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
