her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
