If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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