Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
