dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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