And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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