I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
pray to the hookup gods
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
