That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
