Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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