This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
