I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
