I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
