Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
