Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I need moral support for this bender
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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