hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
