Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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