What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
this is an emotional support booty call
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
